Brothers who seek knowledge but neglect their families

Question: What advice can be offered to the Muslim men who seek knowledge at Islaamic centers, get involved in various affairs of da'wah, and then socialize with the brothers (at the masjid and elsewhere), while neglecting their families' rights in the process? Their families suffer due to their absence and neglect. Aren't they able to study and also work to provide for their families?

Since I know many brothers in this situation, I thought many people would benefit from any advice you have to offer.

Answer by Shaykh Muhammad 'Umar Baazmool, instructor at Umm Al-Quraa University in Makkah

The Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) said,

"Verily your wife has a right over you, and verily your guest has a right over you, and verily your body has a right over you..." [1]

So based on this, I say that providing for one's family, spending on them, and tending to their affairs, are all obligations without doubt. A man's involvement in affairs of da'wah is part of a group responsibility, something recommended. If others are establishing this duty, then he is not obliged to be involved.

Without a doubt, a man's taking care of his individual obligations has more of a right than his taking care of recommended things, or things that others are handling sufficiently.

So if there is a conflict between the obligations related to his children, wife, guests, or his own self, and the general benefit of being involved in affairs of da'wah, then I say - No! Taking care of your obligations related to your wife and children, your guests, your household, and your own self must be given priority over your involvement in affairs of da'wah, because these things are obligations, while your involvement in affairs of da'wah is recommended so long as the da'wah is not totally dependent upon you and there are others who are taking care of it.

Therefore, you are falling into sin by neglecting the rights of your family! And you do not have the right to justify this and say that you are busy with affairs of da'wah, since this is not something that excuses you and makes you free of sin in this case. You are falling short by taking this route.

Look to the example of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam)! He used to establish the obligatory affairs of da'wah, calling to the Way of Allaah, the Glorified and Exalted. With this, 'Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said, 

"The Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) used to be in the service of his family. When he heard the athaan, he left for the prayer as if he did not even know us." [2]

She also mentioned that he used to bring water to the family, milk the goats, etc. He used to take care of the affairs that were needed in his household, things needed by his wives. And the Messenger of Allaah was our role model and example.

So did the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) fail to tend to his wives' affairs? Did the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) neglect his other obligations because of his involvement in da'wah, and he was the Messenger!? Of course, the answer is no.

Likewise, anyone who wants to call to the Way of Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, he must first take care of his own individual responsibilities. Then, after that, he can involve himself in recommended affairs.

But to do as some of the brothers do, may Allaah guide them to the Straight Path, they leave their families and dependents, fall short in taking care of the affairs of their households, some of them on the border of total poverty, not working to make money for their families, not seeking any provisions for their families, thinking that he is doing all of this for the sake of da'wah, this is ignorance, no doubt, a serious form of neglect, and a contradiction to the Sunnah of the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam).

And we do not know anything from the Sunnah of the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam), nor from the Sunnah of the Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), nor from the Sunnah of the righteous successors or other than them, that they used to behave in this way.

Look at Aboo Bakr As-Siddeeq, Ameer Al-Mu'mineen of his time (after the death of the Messenger sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam)! He used to go out and make money and he was the leader of the Muslims! So it was said to him, "O Ameer Al-Mu'mineen! If you would only sit in your house..."

He replied, "Then who will take care of my family? Who will make money for their needs?" So the Companions then got together and agreed that they must provide for Aboo Bakr from the Muslim treasury.

Aboo Bakr, the khaleefah, did not see it possible for him to sit and not provide for his family, and he was the leader of the believers! So then what about other than him from the average Muslims, from those who involve themselves in affairs of da'wah?

No doubt, this (neglect) is a contradiction of the Sunnah of the Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) and the Sunnah of the Companions (may Allaah be pleased with them), and it is very unfortunate to find so many families neglected for this reason.

More unfortunately, many parents do not want to marry their daughters to young men who are adhering to the Religion and seem righteous, fearing that they may neglect them like this. All of this, in reality, is a result of people's poor understanding of the affairs of da'wah and misunderstandings about the Religion.

I am amazed by some people who involve themselves inda'wah, and they do not properly understand affairs like this one. I say: Rather he is in need of someone to give him da'wahand to teach him the Sunnah before he teaches the people!

Begin with your own self, prohibit it from its evil; And when it ceases, then you are a wise one.

FOOTNOTES

[1] Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree #1975 (4/275 of Fat-hul-Baaree) andSaheeh Muslim #2722 (4/283 of Sharh An-Nawawee)

[2] Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree #676 (2/201 of Fat-hul-Baaree) without the phrase "as if he did not even know us."

SOURCE

This was translated exclusively for www.bakkah.net from a cassette recording with the knowledge and permission of the shaykh, file no. AAMB038, dated 1423/8/17.